If you thought we were going to get out of November without an iPhone sales failure, well, you thought wrong. The Wall Street Journal goes so far as to drop an F-bomb on the iPhone Air, Apple’s latest attempt at redefining the iPhone mold: “Apple’s iPhone Air Is a Marketing Win and a Sales Flop” (Apple News+ link)

GASP. They’re just dropping four-letter words in headlines now?! What if a child picks up a copy of The Wall Street Journal?! The Macalope is picturing a small, bespectacled boy in a three-piece suit. He also has a briefcase. He’s adorable. He’s also a bit of a monster, and his parents are very worried about him. “When I asked him who his best friend was he said ‘NASDAQ’! [sob]”

John Gruber notes that the Journal makes a lot of noise about the camera being terrible based on one person’s opinion without showing any of the photos. Is the camera as good as the setup on the iPhone 17 Pro? Certainly not. Is it a good camera? Yes, it is.

Raised in Apple’s hometown of Cupertino, Calif., and later an Apple senior product manager, [Jason] Purdy said he loves to see innovative product design from tech companies.

I’m not sure why my “I love to see innovative product design from tech companies” T-shirt is raising so many questions that I feel are answered by my shirt.

So he made an Apple store appointment to buy the new, ultrathin smartphone the day it went on sale.

Can you imagine?! He bought on the very day they went on sale! And he made an appointment! How fancy!

Newsflash to the Journal, in the Year of Our Lord 2025, a lotta people like technology and buy iPhones the day they come out by booking appointments. That’s not noteworthy in any way.

Within a month, he returned it.

The saddest of trombones. A veritable orchestra of nothing but trombones, all of them sad. Seventy-six, weepy, downcast trombones, marching through River City, Iowa.

It’s nice for Purdy that while he’s suing his most recent employer for wrongful termination, he can have this fun interaction with a writer for The Wall Street Journal about how the new product from a previous employer of his sucks.

Totally unrelated, but the Macalope wonders if there’s a slide in a crisis management deck somewhere about how to push down search results for your wrongful termination suit by getting your name associated with bombastic statements about Apple. It’s an interesting but totally theoretical and, as previously stated, unrelated question.

Regardless, it certainly does seem like the iPhone Air has not been a huge hit. The Journal notes:

Just one in 10 iPhone 17 buyers in the U.S. opted for it in the early weeks of sales, according to one consumer survey.

That’s not great, but it’s worth noting that Apple frequently designs the lineup to push people into buying the phones that are more profitable. Even with its relatively high price tag for the feature set, it’s likely the company makes more money off the other models that are more iterative changes to previous phones. Bad sales for one model could be better for Apple as long as overall sales are still high.

iPhone Air doom is certainly making the rounds, and things are so bad, apparently, that Apple is reportedly delaying the next version. Instead of coming in the fall of 2026, the next iPhone Air may not come until the spring of 2027. That could make for an even bigger change to Apple’s iPhone rollout schedule than previously expected. Apple will just ship the iPhone 18 Pro and Pro Max next fall alongside the folding iPhone, and the iPhone 18, iPhone 18e, and now possibly the iPhone [18] Air will all ship together in the spring.

(The brackets are to indicate the “18” is silent.)

Big money phones first, and the rest can wait.

You know what, Apple? Since no one seems to want a thin phone, the Macalope has a free suggestion for you:

How about…

[looks left and right to make sure no one is eavesdropping]

…a small phone.

Huh?! Right?!

Yeah, they’re not gonna do that.